As an African born woman, I often witnessed how female ambition can be sour for… marriage. Imagine this.
I was once told: “A woman’s greatest achievement is her marriage. After a certain age, a woman is no longer ‘wife material’.”
Another classic: “Wait until you are married before getting ambitious.”
Or “Lore, if you continue to be ambitious, you may never get married.”
One more for the record: “You’re not old enough to be so ambitious“.
You might have already been at the receiving end of such words.
At some point, it made me wonder…
At what age should I start having big ambitions? And since when does marriage go against ambition? And most importantly, since when is marriage synonym to ambition?
I’d really like to know, because I’m still in my early thirties, I know that my best decades are ahead of me. Certainly not behind.
And while I’m waiting to get on with life, why not work on my personal ambitions? What about acquiring skills and experiences that will serve me well for the rest of my life?
Too much, isn’t it?
When I think about it, the idea of stopping everything to focus on my marriage seems excessive. Once married, the idea of getting lost in family pursuits is even more excessive to me.
Why stop at an age when my strength, skills and experiences are at their peak? Sincerely, I can’t imagine the day I will allow my ambitions to fade away in the name of marriage.
And I hope that the next few decades will allow me to improve my positive impact, leave my mark (however small) on earth and inspire my future children.
Yes, my future children. Whom I, with my future husband, will birth. Because yes, I plan to get married, and start a family. And I will definitely NOT lower my ambitions – quite the contrary.
I will adapt them to my reality. And I will continue to mobilize my strength and expertise to make a difference at my level, but also in the world.
Coming to think of it…
Isn’t that what entrepreneurship is all about: adapting, if not creating a new market? I don’t know any entrepreneur who does NOT have any of the following:
Ambition. A touch of creativity. The ability to mobilize their skills regardless of the challenges. The will to excel. The desire to work according to their expectations.
Please note that I am not criticizing people for whom marriage is an accomplishment. Far be it from me to think that way.
My message today could not be clearer: if you have ambitions, go for them. If you dream of being an entrepreneur, achieve it. If you want to get married, work at it.
One does not prevent the other. When you get there, then comes the opportunity for you to continue paving the way, as did :
- Viola Davis – the first African-American actress to win an Oscar, a Tony and an Emmy Award at the same time at age 56
- Michelle Obama – the first African-America First Lady of the United States of America
- Fumi Desalu-Vold – Actress, influencer and business owner. Married at 40, and propelled after her marriage. Mother at age 50.
- Dr. Susan Vosloo – First female heart surgeon in South Africa, at age 33
And much more !
Now allow me to ask… How do you feel about female ambition in the current world? Do you believe it is difficult to make it as a wife and as an ambitious woman? I’d love to read your thoughts in the comment section.
This post was about how much pressure there can be because of female ambition in certain communities. Feel free to comment and share.